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A Black or White Existence

September 6, 2018

A black or white mentality has always been my issue, according to other people, that is. I have found it clean, well-organized and comforting. Limited options create an environment of juxtaposition that allow me to choose quickly and decisively because it always seems that one of the options is an unsatisfactory choice, and therefore the decision is obvious.


But currently, my life has become more complex. I live a more wide open lifestyle by design, having broken out of my structured ways, now that I am free of a profession and the need to move through life at a fast pace. I have slowed down, become more introspective and am given to devoting time to reflection and a diverse point of view. But, old habits die hard. They struggle to remain and tempt one to carry on with the familiar, more out of habit than of a founded approach.


It also seems these days, my decisions carry with them a greater importance and long lasting consequence. I have arrived at a crossroads of my life that begs me to look deeper and further for options than I have ever dared to explore.


It is all quite exciting at first blush, thinking about unlimited possibilities, letting my imagination run barefoot through the grass of what ifs. But when I begin to feel pressured to relieve myself of the discomfort of indecision, I fall back into the clearly delineated and comfortable, this or that thinking.

I have had to push back on the urge to make a decision for the sake of comfort, sit in the angst of the unknown and unforeseen for a time until I can clearly see what else may be waiting off in the mist that is perhaps a bit less for sure and more might be.


It takes practice, this new way of thinking. It requires one to stop moving, stop overthinking and release my imagination to conjure up a broader view. I am working on it each day, each decision, as I move through this wonderful albeit uncharted course of a life explored. Who knows what I will find and where I may head next.


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