The Shadow Side of Virgo

To celebrate my 70^th birthday I had my Astrological Natal Chart read. I’ve wanted to do this for a very long time, and it seemed an appropriate gift for the occasion. In case you’re not into astrology and don’t know, the natal chart is the position of the planets and stars at the specific date, time and place of your birth and the reading reveals which planets and astrological signs appeared in each one of your houses at that moment. There are twelve astrological houses and simply put, they rule Self, Value, Communication, Health and Service, Partnerships, Personal Foundation, Transformation, Friendship, Home and Family, Pleasure, Philosophy, Career and Social Status, and The Unconscious.

My reading started out with what I thought was a hilarious statement from the Astrologer – “I’ve never seen so much Virgo in one chart”.  Somehow, I was not surprised. I’ve dabbled in Astrology just enough to recognize the typical characteristics of a Virgo in my own personality, as a trustworthy, reliable, perfectionist who holds high standards for herself and those in her world, who is extremely analytical, quick thinking and organized, who lives most comfortably with schedules, routines, plans and goals. Those are the good things people have to say about Virgos.

There’s an equally full list of less complimentary traits as well, including rigid, judgmental, opinionated and difficult to please, along with secretly feeling superior to others, being pushy, bossy and likely to take over a situation without permission just because they think they know best and want to help. I’m a double edged sword that can be difficult to handle. I know. It’s not an insight problem.

I listened recently to the audio recording of the reading and it has sparked some concern for who I may become as I age if I don’t learn to modulate these innate traits.

As an executive in the nonprofit sector, working with hundreds of volunteers over the decades, mostly women, I’ve observed how some become less pleasant to be around as they aged, witnessing how they lose patience and compassion for others, their world becoming increasingly small with only their own needs and wants at the center, sometimes completely excluding anyone who doesn’t fall into place where they assign them.

I suppose there are many reasons for this breakdown of empathy - chronic pain, loneliness, loss of cognitive function, frustration, disappointment, resentment and worry. But I also believe it can be attributed, at least in part, to being narrow minded and insensitive to how our behavior affects others.

It’s akin to being convinced we have no defense or choice of how we will age based on our genetics. There can be a propensity for certain physical conditions but with awareness, discipline and effort the predetermination of those genes can be minimized. I don’t have to be an aloof, judgmental, cranky old woman if I don’t wish to be.

But how do I approach the Virgo shadow side? I know I can’t be the only Virgo to wonder about this and I thought it might be interesting to see what others have to say, so I googled it and found a rabbit hole I was not properly prepared to tumble down. Although, I’m glad I did.

The first piece on the subject offered a completely new concept, Virgos use their intellect and natural talent for organization and preparation as a defense against their fear of being vulnerable and ill prepared for the unknown. They make copious plans and analyze situations to remain secure and safe by minimizing risk.

Surprising how that hadn’t occurred to me, considering every misstep, catastrophe, crisis and trauma from my life has been carefully categorized, analyzed and stored deep within my nervous system and subconscious to safe guard against anything like that happening again.

Of course, my immediate reaction to this concept is to argue with myself, in my own defense. In my opinion, learning from our experiences is how we evolve, therefore there is innate value in this practice. I understand it can also be a source of anxiety and unnecessary trepidation, a cost my Virgo mind always felt prepared to pay. This may be one of the first shadow qualities I need to keep an eye on. Anxiety has always accompanied me and it would be nice to find some way to escape it, if only temporarily and occasionally.

The other shadow quality of my sign is unintentionally becoming a know it all, as one of my longest friends called me recently in a heated moment. I had never meant to come off that way but I realized, after she pointed it out, that I have upon many occasions pontificated on a topic that I found interesting and did indeed fit the bill. It will be challenging to not get carried away in my constant pursuit of new information and will require restraint to control my enthusiasm. But it will be worth the effort to cultivate and maintain meaningful relationships into the future.

Seeking insight into one’s attributes and shortcomings is a fascinating endeavor, one I feel drawn to in this stage. Hence the indulgence of a reading. But earnestly looking with intent into that which has been relegated to the darkness is unpleasant, but necessary work, or in Jung’s words,

That which you most need will be found where you least want to look.

So if you’re looking for me, look to the woods, where the light is dim. I’ll be there searching the darkness for shadows.